PING! I Was Just Thinking...

I WAS JUST THINKING THAT WOMEN SHOULD PUT

PICTURES OF MISSING HUSBANDS ON BEER CANS.

(ASSUMING THEY WANT TO FIND THEM)

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT OLD AGE. I DECIDED THAT IT IS WHEN YOU STILL HAVE SOMETHING ON THE BALL, BUT YOU ARE JUST TOO TIRED TO BOUNCE IT.

AND A MOVIE FOR FOLKS MY AGE COULD BE CALLED, "PUMPING RUST."

I WAS JUST THINKING (PING!), GOING BRA-LESS MIGHT PULL ALL THE WRINKLES OUT OF MY FACE!

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW PEOPLE SEEM TO READ THE BIBLE A WHOLE LOT MORE AS THEY GET OLDER.

THEY ARE CRAMMING FOR THEIR FINALS!

I WAS JUST THINKING, AND NOW I'M WONDERING, WHY THEY PUT PICTURES OF CRIMINALS UP IN THE POST OFFICE? WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? WRITE TO THESE MEN? (PING!)

WHY DONT' THEY PUT THEIR PICTURES ON POSTAGE STAMPS SO THE MAILMAN CAN LOOK FOR THEM WHILE HE

DELIVERS THE MAIL?!!!

WHEN PEOPLE SEE A CAT'S LITTER BOX, THEY ALWAYS REMARK, "OH, HAVE YOU GOT A CAT?!"

I WOULD LIKE TO RESPOND VERY BLUNTLY,

"NO! IT'S FOR COMPANY!"

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT BEING RICH. IT REALLY DON'T MEAN SO MUCH. JUST LOOK AT HENRY FORD. ALL OF THOSE MILLIONS AND HE NEVER OWNED A CADILLAC!

AND ANOTHER THING THAT I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT, IF YOU JOGGED BACKWARD, WOULD YOU GAIN WEIGHT?

OH! I ALMOST FORGOT! HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT ANYBODY GOING SLOWER THAN YOU IS AN IDIOT.

ANYONE GOING FASTER IS A MANIAC?!

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT WHY KAMIKAZE PILOTS

WEAR HELMETS?

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT DOGS. WHEN YOU BLOW IN A DOG'S FACE, HE GETS MAD AT YOU. BUT, WHEN YOU PUT

HIM IN A CAR, HE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW!

I WAS JUST THINKING, AND I THINK I KNOW THE REASON MOST PEOPLE PLAY GOLF. THEY CAN WEAR CLOTHES THEY WOULD NOT BE CAUGHT DEAD IN OTHERWISE! TIS TRUE,

I BETCHA! KNOCK THEM BIRDIES AROUND, TIGER WOODS!